


The Dating App Con

by Otava



Category: Psych (TV 2006)
Genre: Cell Phones, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Hopeful Ending, Lassiter isnt dumb, Lies, Light Angst, M/M, Mistaken Identity, Mutual Pining, Online Dating, Shassie, Surprise Ending, Suspicions, Teasing, dating apps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:54:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25250431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Otava/pseuds/Otava
Summary: Lassiter downloads a dating app and Shawn decides to catfish him. What happens when the fake psychic gets too close and Lassiter catches onto his scheme?
Relationships: Carlton Lassiter/Shawn Spencer
Comments: 9
Kudos: 102





	The Dating App Con

Lassiter stared emptily at his phone screen, wondering if he was making the right decision. He was never really the kind of man to put himself out there, not like this anyway. But honestly, he was getting incredibly lonely at this point of his life. Being the person that he was, he, of course, had his qualms about online dating. To put his photo out there, his name, his location...well, this was almost out of the question for him. 

But, with some minor changes to his personal information, like his name, his location, and some artful photos that concealed his identity, he found himself completing a profile on an online dating site, a semi-popular phone-based dating app to be more specific.

To his surprise, he got a few messages when he opened the app up a few days later, checking it for the first time since creating his profile. A lot of the messages were simple one word greetings, some were weird, while others were just asking him semi-personal questions regarding his profile and his height, with questionable emojis tacked on to the end. 

Was dating really this simple now?

“Hello.” He had messaged back a few people after extensively combing through their profiles. So far, so good. This wasn’t so bad! Maybe he should have done this sooner. 

Unfortunately for him and his odd and demanding work hours, about four months after downloading his dating app Lassiter’s phone went completely dry. 

Since downloading the app though, he’d gone on six separate in-person dates in total and out of those six dates, two of them had warranted second dates and he’d gotten two goodnight kisses from both of them. He’d eventually slept with one of them, but after that, he never heard from them again as they were only in town for business and traveled a lot. 

In short, it had now been a month since Lassiter had last had a date and he’d only gotten a one night stand out of four months of effort. 

Lassiter heard a familiar ring chime on his phone at a crime scene, one day. He pulled out his phone on instinct to check the dating app and potential new messages and…

Spencer!

Oh no, Shawn had caught him on the app, recognizing the sound of the ring too, somehow. Lassiter hadn’t realized what he had done in front of everyone until he saw Shawn’s head perk up in his peripheral vision...

They made eye contact.

Lassiter could have sworn Shawn gave him a head nod of acknowledgment before he managed to fumble his phone back into his pocket. How embarrassing! At least Spencer had the decency not to say anything out loud, for once. But the man knew. He definitely knew what that app was and he knew that he was desperate and lonely enough to make a profile on it! God! This was not good.

Hopefully that was the end of that!

* * *

“Yo, dude,” Shawn whispered at the crime scene to his best friend in the world, Burton Guster. “Check it out! Lassiter’s using a dating app!”

“What? For real!?” Gus asked.

“Yeah,” Shawn whispered back. “Just saw him on it right now!” The knowledge made him feel like a giggling school-boy finding out the Chemistry teacher was dating the English teacher.

“Wonder if that app thing is working for him?” Gus smiled, amusedly, touching his thumb to his nose. 

“Working for him? A man like Lassie on a dating app...” Shawn mused. “Yeah, I mean, he’s a pretty good-looking man. Bet it sure is.”

“But his personality-” Gus interrupted.

“Ehhh. You’re right, but it's not _that_ bad once you kinda get to know him,” Shawn vocalized.

“No. It is.You’re just saying that because you like him.”

“First of all, Gus, I didn’t say anything like that. I simply made a questioning sound with my throat, indicating my wavering thought. Second of all, the man had a wife for God’s sake. Someone out there liked him enough to not only date but marry him. He can’t be that bad.”

“Well, ‘first of all,’ Shawn, yes, the noise that you made with your throat meant that you do like him and you were disagreeing with my statement because you feel the opposite of what I said. That was a positive sound, Shawn. And ‘second of all,’ he got divorced and hasn’t had a steady date since.”

“That’s because if he dated me, he’d never want to date again!”

“So why don’t you try now? He’s clearly looking for somebody.”

“Eh,” Shawn said in a saddened tone.

“What?”

“I’ve already asked him out before and he shot me down. Didn’t take me seriously.”

“It’s because of the ways you've asked him,” Gus said blatantly. “You gotta ask him for real!”

“Like...for real, for real?” Shawn squeaked.

“Yeah,” Gus answered. “That’s generally how these things work, Shawn!”

“What are you two talking about,” came Vick’s voice. The case that they were called on was pretty important, it seemed. There was no time to talk about Lassiter and his dating app habits. Both Shawn and Gus turned towards one another and shrugged.

“Just talking about the case, Chief.”

“Get to it then, boys.”

“Yes, Chief!”

* * *

Later that day, when Shawn got back to his place, he plugged in his phone in the charger next to his bed and closed his eyes. His fantastic memory allowed him to recall the exact details of what he had seen on Lassiter’s cell phone screen. He really hadn’t tried to remember those details, they just came into his mind as he was falling asleep. Shawn groaned and flipped onto his side. Sleep was now out of the question now; he was curious and intrigued. 

Shawn perfectly remembered Lassiter’s online dating profile. Age, height, and location were all a bit off from the truth, but that was to be expected. Pretty interesting. Before he knew it, the dating app Lassiter had used was now downloaded on Shawn’s phone. Shawn wanted to snoop...he really really wanted to. For the time being, he set the app aside and cycled through his normal apps to keep his mind occupied. There was no wrong-doing in downloading an app. Shawn quit before he was further tempted and turned on the T.V and decided watching re-runs of Friends was a better use of his time than holding temptation in his hands.

* * *

After a long week at work, Lassiter walked into his home and took a hot shower, then laid down in his bed, relaxing for the first time all day. It was now when he finally allowed himself to look at his notifications on his phone. There were a few emails, a few software updates, and a few notifications from apps. 

It had now been a few days since Lassiter had opened his app at the scene of a crime in front of Shawn. About seven messages had built up on his dating profile and he hadn’t checked due to the case he had been working on. It had consumed him. Some of the profiles that he had messaged him looked promising. Just as he was about to log-off the app, he got a new message from an attractive-looking woman: Esther.

> _  
> Esther: Hey there. I see you're online rn too. Did you just get off work? :)  
>  _

Her profile checked out and she seemed nice. She was older than most of the women who messaged him: around his own age, in fact. She wore a pant-suit in one of her profile photos and a nice smile. She must have just gotten off work like he had. He messaged her back.

> _  
> Lassiter: Yes. Got off 2 hours ago. What about you?_
> 
> _Esther: I got off about an hour ago. Today was a long day._

Lassiter decided to thumb through Esther’s profile more extensively now. His consensus was that she was a rather interesting woman and it seemed that he may have seen her somewhere before but he couldn’t quite place it. It seemed that she worked for a company as an executive. She was 4 years younger than him. They had quite a few things in common and she seemed rather okay at face value. This was somebody he’d like to get to know better. He decided to talk to her more to see if there was a potential good match in the making.

* * *

Sometime after Shawn had downloaded the app, and made a profile. He really hadn’t wanted to, but he did. His curiosity got the best of him. He created a fake profile in the name of Esther to browse and look for Lassiter in the app. He used photos from an old girlfriend of his who he was still friendly with after he explained that it was for a case. Surprisingly, she had given him permission to use her pictures. _Lying already_. Yes, this was getting off to a great start.

After setting up the profile, he had to actively look through hundreds of profiles for Lassiter which made him feel really, really creepy. So he stopped and put his phone away.

* * *

Esther was a nice woman, she really was, and he really liked her but his cop instincts were kicking in. Something seemed off. She just...seemed _too_ perfect and a little too tailored to him and his tastes, so to speak. She absolutely couldn’t be real. He wished it wasn’t that way, but he was almost certain he was being played.

He wasn’t being paranoid, it was actually far from it. There were subtle, subtle hints that “Esther” knew he was. The person was careful, but they were also too proud and self confident. It was only two little details that they slipped up on: that’s it. They commented about his phone being in the drawer on his work desk. He locked it away there on occasion.

> _  
> Lassiter: Sorry I was busy. At work atm._
> 
> _Esther: Forgot your phone in your desk?  
>  _

Keyword **IN**. On the desk would have been more normal, not a lot of people had a drawer to put their phone in.

That was the huge red flag. The other red flag and what seemed strange was that on two occasions he saw Shawn on his phone at the same time he was receiving messages from Esther. He was across the station but he swore he heard the ding from the dating app on one occasion. Shawn cursed when he received a pretty bold response and then they caught eyes in a half glare from across the way. On another day, Esther knew the color of his shoes he was currently wearing, all of which was very peculiar.

Three days passed and Shawn had since then he had begun thumbing through profiles and finally stumbled upon Lassiter’s. He knew it was his by the icon he saw for a split second on the detective's phone. 

He didn’t know what compelled him but he happened to open the app once more late at night and found himself looking at Lassiter’s profile after mindlessly flipping through the app again. There was little green light indicating that Lassiter was online was on the corner of the profile. Now was his chance. Gus was talking to a woman at the bar they were at and he felt lonely. Now was his opportunity. It was only going to be one quick message. Lassiter probably wouldn’t reply anyway. Besides, he was bored. He didn’t expect a reply, anyway.

About two minutes later he got a reply. Huh. That wasn’t what he was expecting. They ended up talking all night.

* * *

Yes. Esther was most definitely fake. To make matters worse, Lassiter was 95% sure that Shawn was the man behind Esther. He had never been so embarrassed in his life. The conversations had already gotten deep and real and involved: all the things that normally didn’t happen when he talked to someone online. He’d admitted to things to Esther and “Esther” confessed some things to him as well and some of those things didn't exactly fit her backstory but could easily fit Shawn Spencer’s...

* * *

Talking to Lassiter had become a bit of a habit for a whole week. They had just started talking about meeting up in real life now, which was obviously a problem. There were always vague excuses on his end and sometimes even on Lassiter’s due to business and scheduling conflicts, which was strange. It was probably subconscious. Shawn was about ready to end this whole charade once and for all, but sometimes it seemed that Lassiter just liked talking to him as “Esther”, so much so that he didn’t want to stop. They were getting along and the companionship was great.

Shawn was really questioning why he was still doing this though. Sometimes when he replied back pretending to be someone else he just felt plain nasty and dirty: like the liar that he was. What exactly was he gaining from keeping this up? He could stop anytime he wanted. He _should_ stop. Why were they still talking? He had investigated him enough. What else was the point of continuing these conversations? Well, it’s not like he had anything better to do, anyway, right? And, besides, talking to Lassiter was nice.

Early on into his “investigation” he had already gotten one of the main answers from Lasstier that he was seeking.

>   
>  _Esther: Hey, on the little quiz match thing that we can take on here, it says you’re both interested in women and men?_

Shawn really, _really_ had always been curious if he even had a chance with Lassiter and this was the answer he had been waiting for. Hopefully Lassiter wasn’t so computer inept that he had chosen “looking men and women”on accident. His heart raced as he saw Lassiter typing.

It took him awhile to respond, but when he did, Lassiter replied:

> _Is that going to be a problem for you?_
> 
> _“Not at all,”_ he typed back. _I’m actually bi as well._
> 
> _I’m pan, but ok._

Shawn’s heart beat quickly in his chest. What. What the hell was happening here? He heard from Lassie’s mouth itself that there might be a chance for them to be together. Lassie was pansexual? Oh my God! He, for years, had been hoping with all his might that Lassiter wasn’t straight. He wasn’t! Oh my God, he wasn’t!? He suspected as much but he’s never really seen Lassiter interested in people other than the few women he chased after on a few occasions. _I haven’t dated too many women tho, you know..._ he said, as Esther.

> _That’s fine._

Shawn wanted to know more about his dating history but Lassiter wasn’t budging. He could feel him shrinking back a little, so he stopped.

* * *

Yes, “Esther” was most definitely Shawn Spencer. For a day or two, he was actually very very convinced somebody was stalking or after him. He realized “Esther” had to be someone within the department who had close access to him on the daily. Lassiter regularly checked the SBPD as well as his desk for bugs, but he checked again. No dice. He then reviewed security cameras in the office. There was only one recurring common threat to him: Shawn.

To finally confirm his seemingly impossible theory, he kept on messaging Shawn while they were in the same room together. Shawn kept on checking his phone. He eventually stopped when Lassiter got too bold but thanks to the use of the office security cameras, when he was in a different room Lassiter messaged him again and watched Shawn pull out his phone and open a familiar looking app. Even with the pixels barely visible, he knew all evidence pointed to Shawn.

What the _Hell._

What was he playing at? Lassiter felt sick to his stomach and betrayed. He didn’t know what the hell to do about this or how to confront Shawn directly.

For three days he ignored Esther. On the fourth day, he launched his attack plan while Shawn was sitting with O’Hara on a lunch break. Shawn, Guster, O’Hara, and himself, were all at a restaurant together and Lassiter had excused himself to the restroom as he walked away. He couldn’t wait to see Shawn’s reactions and see him get caught in the act:

> _Lassiter: Sorry it’s been awhile. It’s been busy at work_
> 
> _Esther: It’s okay. I’ve been busy as well. How are you?_
> 
> _Lassiter: Good. Hey I was wondering. I’m free tomorrow. Can we meet up soon?_

It took “her” a while to respond and she said no. Across the room, Lassiter could see Shawn’s fingers typing away but couldn’t see any facial reaction from him.

> _Lassiter: Then when?_
> 
> _Esther: I don;t know._
> 
> _Lassiter: That’s fine. Thank you for the chats, but I don’t think this is going to work out if we can’t meet. It was nice knowing you._

The 5% chance that this wasn’t Shawn, that was “Esther’s” last chance right there. He was done with this and this game and done with Shawn’s shenanigans. He was about to walk over to Shawn to expose him when his phone dinged on his way back to the table. He glanced at his phone before he approached the booth.

_I’m busy tomorrow, but I’m free Sunday._

What? What the hell?! This wasn’t supposed to happen. Esther wasn’t real. How could Shawn be taking this so far? He had practically caught him red-handed! Perhaps even Shawn knew it. Maybe he was calling his bluff. He had to think quickly. He couldn’t let Shawn win! This was ridiculous!

> Lassiter: Ok, let’s meet at the cafe by the movie theatre
> 
> Esther: Okay. What time is good for you? I’m free all day.
> 
> Lassiter: 5
> 
> Esther: 5pm at the cafe?
> 
> Lassiter: Yes
> 
> Esther: Okay that’s fine :)

Lassiter eyed Shawn with his steely gaze as he sat down in the booth. Shawn gave him a little smile as he continued typing at his keyboard, probably to nobody.

Oh, what had he gotten himself into?

* * *

Shit! Shit! Shit! Yeah. Shawn had just made a date with Lassiter and was pretty sure that he was onto him. What the hell was he going to do? The man was sitting across from him staring him down as he pretended to type on his phone to someone and was attempting not to scream. He had until Sunday to figure that out. For now, he had to focus on pretending that everything was okay at this lunch.

* * *

Sunday came and Lassiter didn’t even bother dressing up for his date. 5 o’clock was arriving quickly and he drove to the proposed meeting spot and sat at one of the outside tables as he sipped at a coffee, starting exactly at 5 pm. When he was done drinking, he was planning on leaving. He wondered what Shawn was going to do to get out of this one.

To his surprise, at 5:02, Esther, the girl from the profile picture, showed up to the cafe and Lassiter’s mouth gaped wide open.

* * *

Shawn’s ex, the one the one he had gotten the photos from, had agreed to go on a date with Lassiter as he contacted her again and asked for this “one last favor” She laughed as he explained the whole situation he was in and had always been a fun person to date and was fully on board, thinking that it would be fun. Shawn had confessed to his ex that he had a crush on Lassiter and she sympathized with him saying she’d do her best to let him down gently.

* * *

The coffee date had gone...well but she wasn’t who he had been expecting. He sincerely was expecting Shawn or even just nobody to show up. Her words when she spoke were different, they didn’t click with one another like they had online.

* * *

Monday, the next time Lassiter saw Shawn, he pulled the man aside. “We need to talk.”

“What?” Shawn said.

“You know what you did!”

Shawn, playing dumb as usual, denied it. “What?”

“I think you know, _“Esther,_ ” Lassiter emphasized. 

Shawn stared at him with a deadpan expression.

“I don’t know how you did it. How you got “her” to come to the coffee shop. But it’s you. It’s your words. Your phone number that’s registered to the account, I know it’s you, Shawn.”

“If you knew I was _Esther_ , and I’m not saying I was, then why would you say the stuff you were saying?” Shawn stepped closer. “It was intimate, personal…”

“I-” Never did Lassiter think that Shawn would admit to something like this and take responsibility for his actions. He was growing as a person. He really did like him but he didn’t seem the most emotionally and financially secure person. But...he had just admitted to this little game, something like this was big for him. Perhaps…

“Of course the things you were saying…”

“Yes-” Lassiter inquired.

“One could say that you were really charming, really engaging, and surprisingly open.” Shawn moved closer towards him and his cheeks were getting red. “You really liked this woman, huh?”

“That person, yes, they were rather interesting.”

Shawn took a deep breath, Lassiter was...complimenting him. He was openly complimenting him. He felt his heart swell with giddy emotion. This, he really hadn’t suspected this from Lassiter. He was still just walking into a trap. After all this time, after all this pinning, it seemed too easy to admit these things. “Of course,” Shawn started to say with a movement of his hand towards his head. Two fingers on his temple. “My visions wont allow me to see anymore of what happened between you two. But I could tell that you really liked her.” 

V I S I O N S!? Lassiter’s mood did a 180 and his eyes crinkled in anger. “I think we’re done here.”

This was his chance. But he was a coward as much as he was a liar. He had made the wrong decision. “Wait-” Shawn called after him.

“We’re done here,” Lassiter repeated again.

Oh no.

Lassiter left the stationhouse early to cool off. It was very unfortunate that Shawn had let him down like that again. They could have been so much together. Shawn…. Shawn was just a child. He could never date a child, a liar like him. Shawn, the fake psychic. He had some growing up to do before he could even consider him as a partner. He never took responsibility, and that was his main character flaw. He was disappointed in himself and disappointed in Spencer. This would never work.

* * *

Shawn, who didn’t have Lassiter’s actual phone number, created a new profile on the dating app. This time, as Shawn Spencer. He found Lassiter’s profile again and started typing out a long, heartfelt msg explaining his con, about his ex who was involved, how he had a crush on him, how he wasn't even psychic and the whole shebang. 

Leave it to him to fuck things up as usual. He quietly deleted his long and wordy message and re-typed simply the words _sorry,_ his thumb hovering over the send button...

**Author's Note:**

> 🥳 Psych Movie 2 comes out in 2 days! Hope it's good!
> 
> Thank you to viceversa for beta!


End file.
